Thursday, June 28, 2007

Why I can't be a whore

because I was abused sexually and physically starting from early on into my late teens?

You must be reading this and asking yourself why I am asking that question.
And these...

Why arn't I a violent *pimp* lady or a whore now?
What is holding me back?
Why don't I have urges to abuse others?
Why am I doing anything I can to protect children?
Why am I against normalizing pedophilia?

The answer can only be that some survivors have more drive than others, more intelligence?
Maybe. More conscious thought? hmmm. More care for others? No.
I think it is because some can talk about it and some can't.
I think that the real truth in pain is just how painful that truth can be.


What about pedophiles?
A pedophiles brain did not evolve appropriately, and maybe that is why they are pedophiles. Maybe their brain is prehistoric? Sexually abusing children is likewise to cannibalism, in that it defiles it's own, and comparative to some wild animal species that kill their young. But the difference is that in nature, the predators who kill their young do it for mating purposes, or because of lack of food or space or to dominate so that they can start their own "pack".

But using that same logic we still can't decipher why a pedophile would say he was abused... and that is why he abuses.

Even writing that sentence perplexes me!

I often question those pedophiles whose stories of sexual relations with an "adult friend" was so nice and how much they liked it.

hmm....

I know a few male survivors in real life.

One I will name "Mike".

Mike is 20 yrs old, he is in trouble with the law, on drugs, no plans for the future.
His Mom is a crackhead, his Dad is somewhere...unreliable...and he only has a girlfriend, who is
sick.

Mike was sexually abused by a pedophile when he was 6-10 yrs old.
The abuse went on because his Mom was on drugs ... she didn't notice.

Mike and other boys told and the Authorities, they arrested and convicted and sentenced the pedophile to prison but via his parole was ordered to pay 10 thousand dollars to each of his victims.
The pedophile died the other day.
Of course he never paid his debts. He never even gave an apology. In the meantime this boy is now a man who still suffers because of his childhood and will all of his life.

Society must understand that not only do the victim's of sexual abuse get molested, they also suffer in many other ways. Too many to list here... but this is a start:
Low self esteem is one very big issue with survivors, as well as drug use, promiscuity and suicide, PSTD and depression. Sexual dysfunctions ( I am not talking about pedophilia I am talking about genuine ASEXUAL feelings, and other sexual dysfunctions that make it hard for that person to have sex, masturbate or feel loved.) The genuine distrust of people never goes away. Its like a door was openned too early, and that door never closes.
The dirtiness never goes away, the feelings of unworthiness, the loneliness that you gain from having no trust in humans is unexplainable.
Because of these issues the child who is now an adult has... because of a perverts penis, they live in poverty in slums, depressed and never know happiness. Some become criminals because they cannot function properly in society because of their abuse, and the repercussions from it.


However, there are many survivors who are striving for a better place to raise kids, and work to achieve this everyday in some way or another.

I am sickened by even a hint that a child sexual abuse survivor could become a molesting pedophile. That is the most atrocious insult to other survivors there is!

I am not a whore because I realized that what happened to me as a child was not right!
I cannot ever be a whore because I value myself.

I value myself because I found a cause to fight for... and I will fight for Children's right not to be sexualized nor abused by adults until the day I die.