The first post I read this morning on Boy Chat made me ill.
Waves of rage and sickness swept over me as I read these words:
Posted by Arion Neos on 2007-November-6 05:07:44, Tuesday
Not for any reason but this: I'm trying to adopt, and I can't have this forum in my cache for the time being.
For obvious reasons.
I've known and loved the hell out of many of you here, and some have been good in email too; but for now I think I need to cool it in BC. I know I've been intermittent for a while in the last few years, so maybe this won't even be noticed overall. I'm okay with that. This is not an egotistic GBCW style post. Emo Douchebag I Am Not.
On the plus side, if things go the way I hope, I'll be back eventually, and you'll be getting occasional boymoments from me too.
Because, you know, boys -- sons -- have friends.
Meanwhile: Love to all of you. And for the sake of Christ, don't let BC turn into a pity party. Sure, post about the hurts you've had. But post your happinesses too. Attachment is suffering, but life isn't misery. Write of your hurts, but write too of those sublime moments when you can't tell the difference between sundew and glow on soft downy hairs, of the times when mist breathes soft over you as you please and love your boys, of the times when you taste the nectar, the sweet budding ambrosia of his ripening youth.
And until next time, here is my dream boy moment. The one I'm wishing for, the one I'm trying to make real right now.
I woke in the dark, roused by what I knew not, and rolled onto my back.
He was standing there at the foot of the bed, staring at me wide-eyed, and it startled me a little. "Dad?"
You never called me that before, I thought, and sat up. "Yeah, kid?"
He just shrugged, rubbing his eyes. His jammies were bunched all over him in a jumble of Spider-Man red and blue.
He shrugged again.
I moved over, pulling the sheets away, patting the mattress. "Come on."
He climbed in, nestling uncertainly. I drew him nearer, drew his warmth into mine. "Come on. Snuggle."
He sighed, relaxing, and my arm wrapped over his shoulders.
"I love you, kid, you know," I whispered into his ear. "I love you, son. You came from nowhere and set my life alight with love, and I can't be without you. I really can't."
"My bad dreams really scare me sometimes," he said. "The dream catcher isn't working."
"Well, I'm here now," I said, "right beside you, and I'm your dream catcher now. Just like I make sure the house is safe for us, just like I feed us, just like I'm here now, I'll find those dreams and stop them, and watch over you while you sleep. Always." I kissed his ear. "I've got you, son. I'm your dad, and I've got your back."
He nodded, smiled, and slid into sleep in my arms.
I stayed awake and looked at him and loved him so, oh so much.
My coal, my furnace, my love, my boy.
Someday this won't be a story. Until then, best to all of you. Email if you want.
Don't worry.... I am emailing every single child protection agency in the unites states about this. About You. And your desires.
I hope it lands in the right hands BEFORE you have time to molest your prospective "son".